Tears of a Clown

What’s behind those lines of laughter

in the night

the quiet when no one is around to watch

Who is the watcher now?

The thinker or the observer?

Whose thoughts are these?

I no longer heard the wind

only the flow of phrases running through my mind

crying out

Course of confusion disabled

I am saddened by the hatred greed and anger

the way a man fights to protect what he thinks is truth

I laugh and play when I am with little children

the lines swirl on my face

dancing with pure joy

Yet deep inside when all excitement passing

the tears come again

and I cannot find an answer

cannot see beauty

lost the dance

tears of a clown

 

Robin Williams committed suicide this morning.  A comedy legend, he suffered from depression.  That seems to be an oxymoron and at the same time an incredibly profound statement about people and the duality that goes on in their minds.  No one can hear the internal dialogue that nags a soul.

“You are living in this world as one individual, but before you take the form of a human being, you are already there, always there.  We are always here.  Do you understand? You think before you were born you were not here. But how is it possible for you to appear in this world, when there is no you?  Because you are already there, you can appear in the world.  Also, it is not possible for something to vanish which does not exist.  Because something is there, something can vanish.  You may think that when you die, you disappear, you no longer exist.  But even though you vanish, something which is existent cannot be non-existent.  That is the magic.  We ourselves cannot put any magic spells on this world.  The world is its own magic.  If we are looking at something, it can vanish from our sight, but if we do not try to see it, that something cannot vanish.  Because you are watching it, it can disappear, but if no one is watching, how is it possible for anything to disappear?  If someone is watching you, you can escape from him, but if no one is watching, you cannot escape from yourself.”  excerpt from Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind, Shunryu Suzuki.

It is easy to get bogged down.

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About pamelavk

A Conservative Bohemian practicing zen in flesh. I am a versatile artist and musician thriving on creativity and hoping for human renewal through sharing. Activities of life include doing and really living so I have been successful. Choosing Joy and having Faith keep me productive.
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